well, now that i'm gettin toasty, and i just read "The Negotiator's" note and his blog....i've decided to be unoriginal and steal his idea. i'd like to fill you in on MY life and give you a list of characters, so you can all keep track. CHUBBY HUBBY : not just my fave ice cream anymore......yup, i live with my fiance. things are a little rough right now but i do love him. SMASH : my little sister....just started high school this year and is already giving me gray hairs. ...

well. i forgot to take my meds today, so i just took them with the only thing todrink in the apartment...alcohol. good idea? probably not. do i care? nope. so this sounds like selfpity but if its my only place where i can wallow then so be it. i am sick of being shit on. sick sick sick sick sick sick SICK OF IT. my life is one of despair. what did i do to deserve all this? i have been broken SO many times and i just wish someone could piece me back together. but the only one i want to talk to...

:::sighs::: things are improving one day at a time. nathan and i are still broken up, and im still moving back home, but he started going to a counselor (who happens to be an aquitance of ours). the counselor, marty, has helped open his eyes-he has a whole new attitude. he wants to change...which is a start. i do love him, despite it all, but i am not taking him back. not yet anyway. i have decided that if its meant to be he will follow through with this counseling and really change this time-...

nathan has definately crossed the line this time...ive had it!!! this is what happened- first of all he gets furious when i hang out with my guy friends and he's not there.....so i planned on telling him that i was hanging out with reggie last night....WELL, i got to his work and he feels sick (meaning hes being a huge dick to me and taking it all out on...guess who...me!). so hes going off on me before i can even tell him.....so i get fed up and leave. well....by 1 am he hasnt called and im l...

i wish you were home so we could talk...ive had "across the sea" on repeat for who knows how long.....i need you more than i ever have before, i wonder if you can feel it too...i miss you...my heart aches for you........

i dont even know where to start on this blog........ive been crying for days on end...and i feel like it now but the tears have dried up inside of me. things as i have said, have gotten bad with nathan. but i never said how bad...hes very emotionally abusive. and its gotten out of control. and i may have "battered woman" syndrome but i feel like i cant live without him.....(chrissypoo being the only one who makes me see a glimmer of hope that maybe-just maybe-i can ). but i have made the hard...

"You'll learn that even that one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break other hearts You'll fight with your best friend, you'll cry because time is passing so fast and you'll eventually lose somebody you love. So today-take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive too freely, and love like you've never been hurt because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back." ~kat ...

::huge sigh of relief:: i'm so glad you're back in my life!!!! WHEW! uh work was hell today...nathan is bein crazy-again. dont wanna talk about it. dont have much to say. just checkin in i suppose...

As you walk into the room she runs full force into you And her soul fills you to the brim as you hold her, trembling, in your arms. You let her cry For what was only seconds. But to you it seemed like eternity. It’s always eternity with her- For time itself stops…and pauses to drink in your warmth and bask in the glow of your love. Her voice on the other end of the phone Is filled with an emotion So powerful it scared her at first. You didn’t know what it was But you felt the...

::grr:: i am reallly agitated right now. i was out with some friends last night and nathan calls like.....5 or 6 times and among other things says hes left me a present at the apartment. so me and a rather large group of friends head home after awhile and low and behold-there is a balloon animal teddy bear with a heart and poetry written all over him with black sharpee! it said stuff about how i stole his heart, and how he loves me so much and this isnt the end its only the beginning-ALL this...

i broke up with nathan last night. it was hard but it was what I needed to do. i just feel like i'm at a point where i'm starting a new chapter in my life. im growing and i need to do it alone. i feel that if he really loves me he will let me go-and if its meant to be, we'll both grow up and get back together. and if we grow apart, then it wasnt meant to be in the first place. what worries me is that he wont be able to handle just being friends. should i just break it off completely or try ...

i cant be explicit but right now i am really confused. i honestly dont know if nathan is really changing or just acting like it. i want him to change but deep down im a firm believer that people change their actions but not their beliefs. so its hard for me to see him changing(that is if hes trying to change at all) ok and maybe i have trust issues.....but all that tossed in with a friend who has a thing for me makes life one hell of a burden right now....aaaarg!

man what a day! last night was hard cuz nathan left-with all the problems we have, i still love him and it was just hard to sleep by myself after so long. but i got up for work today and life, as they say, goes on. i just wonder where "they" are when the shit hits the fan? so i was at work today helping people pick out clothes and this woman comesa in and shes totally cool and we get aalong really well, then i go to ring her up and check her ID and guess what? she lives on my street! and bei...

uh. i hate the whole world. first of all let me vent- immature kids kill me. if you cant get over it-dont be with the person....no one can forgive and forget that shit. raaah!!! ok. sorry.... now i have a real problem. nathans moving out but i cant break the lease. and no one wants to move in with me cuz im in a one bedroom...so im screwed. royally. and i miss chris. im worried about him....

i'm so sad and lonely today. ive been thinking that maybe id like to date someone. i kinda want someone just to hang out with. nothing serious by any means, i know im not ready for that. but someone who cared would be nice.... i'm trying to write my friends history paper and its so hard. i know its wrong but i need the extra cash. the thing is-i usually write english papers-not history! thus im struggling! so im going to go...and try to get this done. and maybe try to smile some too.