man what a day! last night was hard cuz nathan left-with all the problems we have, i still love him and it was just hard to sleep by myself after so long. but i got up for work today and life, as they say, goes on. i just wonder where "they" are when the shit hits the fan? so i was at work today helping people pick out clothes and this woman comesa in and shes totally cool and we get aalong really well, then i go to ring her up and check her ID and guess what? she lives on my street! and bei...

uh. i hate the whole world. first of all let me vent- immature kids kill me. if you cant get over it-dont be with the person....no one can forgive and forget that shit. raaah!!! ok. sorry.... now i have a real problem. nathans moving out but i cant break the lease. and no one wants to move in with me cuz im in a one bedroom...so im screwed. royally. and i miss chris. im worried about him....

:::sighs::: things are improving one day at a time. nathan and i are still broken up, and im still moving back home, but he started going to a counselor (who happens to be an aquitance of ours). the counselor, marty, has helped open his eyes-he has a whole new attitude. he wants to change...which is a start. i do love him, despite it all, but i am not taking him back. not yet anyway. i have decided that if its meant to be he will follow through with this counseling and really change this time-...

nathan has definately crossed the line this time...ive had it!!! this is what happened- first of all he gets furious when i hang out with my guy friends and he's not there.....so i planned on telling him that i was hanging out with reggie last night....WELL, i got to his work and he feels sick (meaning hes being a huge dick to me and taking it all out on...guess who...me!). so hes going off on me before i can even tell him.....so i get fed up and leave. well....by 1 am he hasnt called and im l...

i wish you were home so we could talk...ive had "across the sea" on repeat for who knows how long.....i need you more than i ever have before, i wonder if you can feel it too...i miss you...my heart aches for you........

i dont even know where to start on this blog........ive been crying for days on end...and i feel like it now but the tears have dried up inside of me. things as i have said, have gotten bad with nathan. but i never said how bad...hes very emotionally abusive. and its gotten out of control. and i may have "battered woman" syndrome but i feel like i cant live without him.....(chrissypoo being the only one who makes me see a glimmer of hope that maybe-just maybe-i can ). but i have made the hard...

well, now that i'm gettin toasty, and i just read "The Negotiator's" note and his blog....i've decided to be unoriginal and steal his idea. i'd like to fill you in on MY life and give you a list of characters, so you can all keep track. CHUBBY HUBBY : not just my fave ice cream anymore......yup, i live with my fiance. things are a little rough right now but i do love him. SMASH : my little sister....just started high school this year and is already giving me gray hairs. ...

well. i forgot to take my meds today, so i just took them with the only thing todrink in the apartment...alcohol. good idea? probably not. do i care? nope. so this sounds like selfpity but if its my only place where i can wallow then so be it. i am sick of being shit on. sick sick sick sick sick sick SICK OF IT. my life is one of despair. what did i do to deserve all this? i have been broken SO many times and i just wish someone could piece me back together. but the only one i want to talk to...